Status Updates – Key to my heart and mind

13 Dec

If anyone here that reads this is on my Facebook list. You might notice that my status is updated more than is healthy.

At times I use that little box to express some of my deepest thoughts, fears and anxieties. I want to open a debate, ask a question, get reassurance or just let someone know how I’m feeling. Every update has meaning behind it, every little push of the button sends my thoughts into the wild and I don’t think many people clearly understand the true significance of some of my posts. Let’s look at a few recent ones.

Alex Towler is concerned about the trap

Posted only just now. I’m looking at my screen and wondering why when all these unanswered questions and insecurities are flying around my head. Why do I box them in, I have something to prove – an image to project. So I trap my thoughts inside my head and try to deal with the questions I know are silly yet I feel this need for reassurance.

Alex Towler is a big gay pirate

In response to comments posted on a friends update I decided not to argue and be a big gay pirate. The comment following, I’d rather be a big gay pirate than a small straight man. Right there was the biggest fear posted and questioned in a rather small and insignificant way. Using humour to cover that a lot of my insecurities are based around my small penis. I’d rather be a BIG gay pirate. Than a SMALL straight man…

Alex Towler is watching Grand Designs

Sometimes though, my posts are self explanatory.

Alex Towler is annoyingly annoyed

Here is an interesting update. I was worrying and getting frustrated, I know that when people first meet me I can be really annoying, I try to reign it in but in essence I still constantly struggle with meeting people. I was frustrated at not being able to explain to people how difficult it is, ask if/how I annoyed them, and learn to be better….

It’s funny how a few sort words can mean so much to someone like me. But don’t read too much into it…

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6 Responses to “Status Updates – Key to my heart and mind”

  1. slightlyignorant 13 December, 2008 at 4:06 pm #

    Now, now, Alex – you cannot tell us not to read too much into it after a post like that!
    I must reassure you though, you’re not the only one who sends out hints to the world in this manner – I do it on MSN Messenger, the same sort of idea.

    The wonders of the online community and it’s strange, small ways of being expressive…

    • Alex Towler 14 December, 2008 at 6:07 pm #

      @Ignorant: I’m kind of glad I’m not the only one. There’s times when I just want to say something and its oddly easier to do it when I have limited space, words and time

  2. chloé 14 December, 2008 at 1:37 am #

    yeah, it would sounds good. haha yeah i probably wouldn’t understand it well, lol.
    no really, there are chocolate & vanilla scented cigarettes; it’s pretty bad actually considering that just entices the younger kids to smoke.
    lol, you change your status a bit! i am hardly ever on facebook but when i’m on first thing i do is change my status lol
    i found out an x friend of mine was stalking me on there; checking my status everyday! -creeeeepy- so i blocked her from viewing me all together bahahah – loves facebook for that

    • Alex Towler 14 December, 2008 at 6:10 pm #

      @Chloe:

      It is really bad but maybe they are aiming at people like me, the on-the-fence type. Facebook is great for the privacy thing, I think I have only blocked one person and that was for a completly different reason altogether, although they may have been creepy like your friend. Spying!!

  3. Tony 14 December, 2008 at 10:39 am #

    Big Gay Pirate or Small straight man???
    Hmmm….
    Dunno if I’d gone with your choice, but then again I do own a poodle, which does carry that stigma….

    • Alex Towler 14 December, 2008 at 6:06 pm #

      @Tony: Well, yes the poodle thing does unfortunately put you on unstable footing. Big gay pirate seems to be because of my pirate hat, sword, eyepatch combo I inexplicably own

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