Archive | June, 2009

So long Motherfuckers!!!!

19 Jun

Today is my last day in my current job before I leave for Australia. I’m fighting this internal instinct to go on a rampage of anger and destruction. Destroying all in my path and leaving in a blaze of fire and intent. Destruction to the limits. Or some such. To be honest it’s only my sense of pride, responsibillity and proffessionalism that is stopping my commiting IT career suicide and bringing down all hell fire.

So long MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! swearing makes me feel better. It’s such a nice release of frustrations and limitations. I don’t even know WHY I feel like this

I never

5 Jun

I never write about the ones I love or the happiness in my heart. If you read my posts you would think that I have nothing much in my life except blind ambition to an unforeseen goal. A direction and dogged determined attitude towards something completely obscure to all who know me.

This morning has been oddly upsetting. There is someone I love, I think so, very much, but who am I too know if what I think I feel is real. I’ll miss her so much and the fear of loosing what I have stumbled into, almost blindly makes me turn my back, almost on a goal I have aimed for over the past year or more. I have this desire and this need to push for these goals regardless of the pain it causes because I know its something I need to do before I regret my whole life knowing I could be a better person.

I’ve been waiting to hear these words for a while that maybe for me it is a solitary journey.

I’m scared of this trip, even more so now. But part of me considers it may be better, to be honest with myself, my mind has tossed and turned backwards and forwards constantly for the past month or more. To be or not to be, to go or not to go, to do or not to do. Whatever the answers, logic persuades me finally to accept, once more. To accept that I may lose, through fault of my own, something very special and unique to me…

You know how some songs remind you of the thoughless instictive care and love of those around you, those people that love you even if you are a smelly git…

MMoM

3 Jun

Whilst I am still very much mellowing in my melancholy moment of madness I have decided to find something to make me smile. A quick google search for “funny email correspondence” brought me to this result. Now, instead of making me laugh it brought forth the feeling’s I consistently have about “people” as a whole. Slightly ignorant, racist and of course cocky, some think they are funny. Others direct their stupidity towards those, whose only concern is to try and help resolve the situation.

In the link we see an email directed towards a police station in the UK. The complaint being that it is very difficult to get through to someone on the phone and the complainee, let’s call him fuckwad to keep his privacy and well being at their uttermost. So Mr Fuckwad decides to email a police station to complain that a bunch of kids or teenagers are playing ball against a fence outside his home. He describes the youths as “walking abortions” and you can already tell he’s the kind of old, grumpy, self serving, self centered, unrealistic, stuck up twat that writes to his local newspaper on a weekly basis to discuss the decline of this country. He probably fought in a war that ended 10 years before he was born, and his sister is friends with the queen.

After a lengthy rant about a simple matter he ends with what can only be considered a rude and peremptory closing of the email.

Here’s where I’ll quote you the professional and polite, also helpful email from his local PC.

“Mr Fuckwad,

I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards

PC ???

?????????????

Community Beat Officer”

Let’s dissect the email. First line, a polite greeting to Mr Fuckwad. The hero of this particular story.  The second line and indeed first paragraph begins and ends nicely clearly underlining the issues that were raised in the original complaint and reiterating that the responding PC has taken the trouble to read the dribble coming from Mr F’s mouth as he salivates onto his computer keyboard whilst touching his sister. Ok that bit didn’t happen but he might as well be some inbred hick by the pleasure he takes at his inconsistent and obtuse email where he is clearly attempting some form of humorous writing.
The second paragraph in the response introduces the respondent as the local PCSO. Ok so the email is being responded to by the correct person, someone who understands the complaint and also understands the area and the person he is responding to. Our responding PCSO finishes by simply offering to contact the emailing Mr Fuckwad at a convenient time via the telephone to arrange a face to face meeting where they can discuss the matters that have been brought up and hopefully resolve the issues satisfactory.
So, instead of acknowledging the very polite response and arranging a suitable time to have a much closer and personal resolution to the initial, very minor issue. Mr Fuckwad decides that he is too clever for this simple PCSO and will respond with scorn and sarcasm. I wonder why he has such a bad life and consistently fails to achieve. Karma’s a bitch.

P.s I’m lying in bed typing this by candle light whilst drinking chocolate horlicks. It seems to be a killer equation and only time will tell if it has any exceptions.

Cheese and Maths

3 Jun

There’s always been one equation that I thought was 100% foolproof and not affected by any exceptions. Unfortunately I believe that right now that equation is being stretched to it’s limit and if the exception is not enforced then it will break. This could mean the end of civilisation as we know it.

The equation in question being:

Me + Cheese = Happiness

My unusual melancholy is forcing me to sit and stare out the window, a Wednesday evening and the whole day has slipped by me without even the notice of a pigeon to inspire me to smile. Sure there has been some good, no day is ever 100% bad but right now I feel very stuck in a melancholy mood and as such I’m rather grouchy and tired. I don’t feel like smiling, sleeping or any of the other things that would normally make me feel better. Instead I’m very tempted to wallow in self pity, I could put on some bad music and sulk, eat chocolate and smoke cigars. No. I will not of course, those times are over. How I ever got so low who knows, right now I have so many things to look forward to and enough strength to keep pushing forward against all the walls that block my path.

I remember those times actually, not greatly but I remember. I think I may have written of them several months ago, when they were still fresh and apparent. When I would open a bottle of wine, a big bar of Cadbury’s double chocolate, a packet of cigars and some loud music. Feeling sorry for myself and in affect punishing my body. Even now though I do not lament those times 100%. There has been some good. I made many friends I would otherwise have not, and in some small part I hope we have helped each other through the darkness of winter.

For now, I need a new equation because I can’t hit rock bottom. I need something solid to hold onto, something to know doesn’t change. I love cheese but it’s just not cutting it right now….