Cheese and Maths

3 Jun

There’s always been one equation that I thought was 100% foolproof and not affected by any exceptions. Unfortunately I believe that right now that equation is being stretched to it’s limit and if the exception is not enforced then it will break. This could mean the end of civilisation as we know it.

The equation in question being:

Me + Cheese = Happiness

My unusual melancholy is forcing me to sit and stare out the window, a Wednesday evening and the whole day has slipped by me without even the notice of a pigeon to inspire me to smile. Sure there has been some good, no day is ever 100% bad but right now I feel very stuck in a melancholy mood and as such I’m rather grouchy and tired. I don’t feel like smiling, sleeping or any of the other things that would normally make me feel better. Instead I’m very tempted to wallow in self pity, I could put on some bad music and sulk, eat chocolate and smoke cigars. No. I will not of course, those times are over. How I ever got so low who knows, right now I have so many things to look forward to and enough strength to keep pushing forward against all the walls that block my path.

I remember those times actually, not greatly but I remember. I think I may have written of them several months ago, when they were still fresh and apparent. When I would open a bottle of wine, a big bar of Cadbury’s double chocolate, a packet of cigars and some loud music. Feeling sorry for myself and in affect punishing my body. Even now though I do not lament those times 100%. There has been some good. I made many friends I would otherwise have not, and in some small part I hope we have helped each other through the darkness of winter.

For now, I need a new equation because I can’t hit rock bottom. I need something solid to hold onto, something to know doesn’t change. I love cheese but it’s just not cutting it right now….


4 Responses to “Cheese and Maths”

  1. slightlyignorant 3 June, 2009 at 9:27 pm #

    Poor Alex :(. I wish I could think of some way to help. If not cheese, then chocolate, but chocolate takes you back to cigar/loud music/self pity mode from what I understand. Alcohol is probably not the best idea either.
    Comfort book? Pick up a Terry Pratchett, disappear in Discworld with TwoFlower or Esme, and laugh you heart out!

    • Alex Towler 3 June, 2009 at 9:38 pm #

      Hey Slightly,

      Thank you for the kind words. I don’t think self pity is the way to go. I think if I carry on writing I will begin to feel better, I definetely need a good distraction and unfortunately chcolate would leed to wine, cigars, loud music etc. Purely out of this instictiveness to feel that chocolate in these vircumstances is clearly just as bad as icecream or sweets. A sweet sugar rush designed to give a demi high until your friends can leave your crying shoulders and leave you in a puddle of your own saliva crying into a pillow. Ok I’m not quite at that point right now, but lets not encourage the thoughts.

      I think a nice discworld novel might be good actually. Right now I’m actually reading “Seeress of Kell” by David Eddings and think I’d be better of finishing that.

      How are you by the way? It’s been a while since we have chatted and I havent been on the Blogs in a while, or commented on anything much in ages

      • slightlyignorant 3 June, 2009 at 9:46 pm #

        Delving into any book at all is a good distraction. It’s basically the way I get through some days – bury nose in book=life doesn’t affect your emotions. Maybe not the healthiest thing, but hey, it works, and it’s definitely a good thing to distract oneself from self-pity.

        I’m doing alright, got some problems – but then don’t we all?

        Do you know yet when you’re moving to Australia?

  2. Alex Towler 3 June, 2009 at 10:13 pm #

    Yeah I’m leaving here 23rd June and arrive 1st July…. so not long now. Life is full of problems but yes I totally understand the point of loosing your problems in a book, getting lost inside and leaving them all behind, if only for a few hours.

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