There’s always been one equation that I thought was 100% foolproof and not affected by any exceptions. Unfortunately I believe that right now that equation is being stretched to it’s limit and if the exception is not enforced then it will break. This could mean the end of civilisation as we know it.
The equation in question being:
Me + Cheese = Happiness
My unusual melancholy is forcing me to sit and stare out the window, a Wednesday evening and the whole day has slipped by me without even the notice of a pigeon to inspire me to smile. Sure there has been some good, no day is ever 100% bad but right now I feel very stuck in a melancholy mood and as such I’m rather grouchy and tired. I don’t feel like smiling, sleeping or any of the other things that would normally make me feel better. Instead I’m very tempted to wallow in self pity, I could put on some bad music and sulk, eat chocolate and smoke cigars. No. I will not of course, those times are over. How I ever got so low who knows, right now I have so many things to look forward to and enough strength to keep pushing forward against all the walls that block my path.
I remember those times actually, not greatly but I remember. I think I may have written of them several months ago, when they were still fresh and apparent. When I would open a bottle of wine, a big bar of Cadbury’s double chocolate, a packet of cigars and some loud music. Feeling sorry for myself and in affect punishing my body. Even now though I do not lament those times 100%. There has been some good. I made many friends I would otherwise have not, and in some small part I hope we have helped each other through the darkness of winter.
For now, I need a new equation because I can’t hit rock bottom. I need something solid to hold onto, something to know doesn’t change. I love cheese but it’s just not cutting it right now….