I posted this a while ago on Facebook, it’s your basic emo teenage angst thing. Judge me if you will I’m 20 (11/10/88), we all go through stages and times in our life when we need to curl up inside and cry and scream for attention. As long as you can eventually look back up, and just roll. Life’s going to throw these punches at you and the only way to survive is to roll with ’em. So enjoy it while it lasts:
Please, take a moment to consider that by being so open with thousands of people who may chance to stumble upon this I could reverse my fortunes…You know, it’s strange that it has taken me so long to finally realise where a lot of my problems lie. In truth I think I have always known but never wanted to admit it for so many reasons, fear mainly I suppose. Fear of being different, fear of actually accepting that yes, maybe I have a problem and finally the fear that if I accept that so much of me constantly feels depressed, lost and alone then my cover will crumble completly and I will lose my inane abillity to just get on with it, to be happy and to sing and dance along a merry jig without a care in the world.
The problems that I face are personal demons. I will never settle, settle in one place, or with one person. I love and care to easily and consistently put all myself into a relationship. Unfortunately this results in easy attachment – I then fear to lose the sense of stabillity I have found and thus dooming my time to fail and come crashing down around my ears.
I hate to be alone, I bounce around inside my own head but I do not make friends easily, everything seems a constant uphill struggle to find a place and a path that makes sense. I always know what I want – at least thats what I tell myself but really I’m just hoping on good luck (Something I don’t believe in) – maybe therein lies the real problem. Contradiction.
The contradiction of my nature is so entwined that I say and feel things to such a degree, and then, the next day. Nothing – reverse. Everything has changed and its different.
By writing this I hope to examine the key flaws but as I read back I realise something, its simple.
I’m a lost little boy who just wants to be loved, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know where I’m going. I’m scared…..So long and thanks for all the fish 🙂