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Me and Myself

4 Nov

Meet Sponge – Meet The Juggler,

Life is made up of chance encounters. Words spoken and overheard. Suggestions and ideas bought to life in unexpected ways, this is one of those that has shaped my life.

Recently someone mentioned to me that they thought I had two personalities. This shocked me at first, initially that someone could read me so easily and secondly because I knew it was true. It always has been. I haven’t thought about this in a long time but this simple little moment jolted me back and has had my mind spinning for days now.

I remember the first time that I could shape my personality. My obsession with the word ‘Sponge’ had gotten a little out of hand. As it was due too. I was a teenager and my emotions were wildly out of place and out of sync. My friend Gold told me that she never understood the ‘Sponge thing’ but that she thought it was kind of like my alter ego. I realised she was right. I had an avatar, a name, a signature, everything except the words to shape it and give life to my own personality. The name was the important thing. Things started to click into place. I did, and still do sign my name as Sponge, funnily enough no-one has ever noticed or mentioned this strange habit.

I understand now, the power in giving something a name. It makes it real, makes it solid and allows the thing life and growth.

Over the years as I’ve figured out who I am, who I want to be and come to terms with my good and bad points my character has shaped itself into 2 distinct people. Sponge – the ‘dark’ side, and now – given a name – The Juggler. A handle I have used when writing and the self that traveled through India and used juggling as a way to interact on a new level.

It’s strange to think about your own self as 2 distinct people. You sometimes loose a lot of inhibitions – you can say it wasn’t ‘You’, you justify things to yourself with the knowledge that – whatever your doing, however your acting isn’t who you really are, its the shell of a person that you have consciously created to contain all those things that you can not control but despise in your own actions.
Those times when you are vengeful and petty – that’s Sponge. When your arrogant and controlling, bossy, rude, racist. It’s not who I am, I know I have many good qualities but to keep them on the surface you need to embrace the bad. For me this happens in allowing those bad qualities to have a name and to accept that they are part of who you are, even if that part is almost a completely different person….



25 Jun

A short history of Earth and the creation of Life In the land before men ruled the earth and the birds ruled the sky a light could always be seen on the horizon of the northern sky. The light wsa a beauty so great and wonderous that when men finally came to be the beauty lived on and would reach the far corners of hte earth, to live in stories, legends and myths. The power was so great it compelled even the most noble of men to take up a journey that would last many years on foot and the feet of great and noble beasts to travel and look upon the beauty that was so simple and clear that the blind could see if only for the time they looked upon it. The first men that travelled to look upon thebeauty found a simple white daisy waving gently in the wind, its petals slightly pink as if it was dawn. Upon the ground the daisy lay and so great was its power that all the land for miles to see was rich and fertille. The men settled in the lands below the hill and soon the daisybecame known as the beauty of Camoore for that was the name of the men that had first settled in this part ofthe untouched earth. For many centuries men would come to look upon the daisy and find it guarded by many of the Camooreish people for it had given them life beyond that of many other mortal men. Then one day the land cracked and the seas rose, the earth was shook and in one fatal instance all was lost for te daisy fell deep into a dark abiss to lost forever. Soon the lands dried and the soil became brittle. The yield from the earth became so little that soon the Camoore began to die out and with a final push of life they left to settle on other parts of the earth and be lost into the history books. Many centuries later when the earth had been split and the continents moved, seas had widened and now ruled the greater part of what had been the old earth was washed away under the sea. A child wandered to a stream and began to fish for the stream was good at this time of year, but of chance there lay the daisy its beauty bright even in the glare of the summer light. The child picked the daisy from the bank of the river and looked up to see a woman in odd clothing looking down at him. The child turned to run but was stuck by a sudden power and curiosity. The lady was very young and very beautiful and she bent low gracefully and picked the daisy from the ground for it had falen when the child had turned. The yuong lady handed the daisy to the child and wispered softly. “Take her merlin, take Excalibur and use the power, do not be afraid” and then she was gone, the daisy with her. But there in his hand lay a minature golden flower. Many years past untill the coming of Arthur and the magic of Excalibur was finally realised for untill then the Wizard Merlin had been but a cheap conjourer using the magic of the daisy for cheap party tricks. Then one day the daisy was lost and the only power Merlin had was that of Lust, the lust and love of the beautiful daisy kept him stronger and younger than any other. Then years later the daisy was presented to the new king and Arthur feeling the power of the daisy in his mind named her excalibur and there forth burst a light so bright that all the men even the great wizard Merlin had to shield thier eyes and there the daisy had turned once more into the sword Excalibur that is subject to many myths and legends oftimes gone by. The truth of the story goes as follows, the sword reaked such power that soon it was broken by a powerful hand, shattered into 7 pieces and then with the magic of Merlin was cast across the lands of time and lost forever. Merlin felt the pull of the sword as he shattered it and with the sword he was shattered to and then pulled back across time and space but linked inexorably to the sword. Merlin began to seek the sword with the intent to return her to her original form and once again weild the power. Merlin lived across many generations of men searching for the sword, so many generations infact that his name wore thin and new names had to be found, Merlin took on many names other many generations untill he found himself searching the 21st century and stumbling thru time with no real purpose or life except the sword. Merlin’s life had been changed so much that he was soon lost in space where he was sucked thru a black hole and thrown back millions of years where he exploded into millions of particals to break away and form planets and stars and meteors all wizzing thru space. The particals that held the most conscious thought soon found there way to the newly created earth where life had not yet began. Claiming this as his own the new God was to be ofund in the form of Adam ruling the lonely Earth and wandering from place to place. It happened that one day Adam found a single flower in the shape common to a lone daisy, with his touch the ground exploded and there lay the garden he named Eden and where the

Bugs and Bits

23 May

Not been working today. Some pictures of Bugs 😀

Purple - YAY

Purple - YAY

Fly, fly my preeeetttiiiieeeessss

Fly, fly my preeeetttiiiieeeessss



Bee + Flower = Yum

Bee + Flower = Yum

Quick! Get inside

Quick! Get inside

Bee by flower

Bee by flower

Beeee on the grass

Beeee on the grass

Beeee on the grass (2)

Beeee on the grass (2)



Fly-on-the-wall, well. Fly on a leave :D

Fly-on-the-wall, well. Fly on a leave 😀

Fly-on-the-wall, well. Fly on a leave :D (2)

Fly-on-the-wall, well. Fly on a leave 😀 (2)

Naked Wireless

22 Apr

I recently brought a Bluetooth headset for my IPod and as is only natural have taken every opportunity to walk around my flat naked wearing only my headset listening to some nice misc. Very nice.

There’s no real purpose or thought behind this post really. I’m sitting on the train and feel the need to write. I#’m slightly scared of the swan song….
Writing my last entry without realising would be even worse. But Im happy and relaxed and for once my mind is not running in circles constantly. 2 goals, both achievable. 1 love. Very nice 🙂

Now for the running commentary –

Hopefull a fat person won’t sit next to me…..

6:57 – Sidcup station, large man, pink shirt. Fuck! Terhe’s a gap between us but if some fatty sits down next I’ll be stuck between a wall and a fat person.
Music – Jack Johnson

07:00 – New Eltham Station. Skinny lady, beige coat, metro. Some lttle boy on the front – apparently a 12 year old kiler. What a little bastard!!!. I’m slightly nervous at how close people are, that they could read this. I need some kind of “Don’t look at my screen” shield.
Music – Dirty Pretty Things

07:03 – Mottingham Station. I’m safe. All the seats in my area are taken up but I’m snnoyed that I managed to pick a seat in front of the old lady who would drop coffee by my feet.
Music – Dirty Pretty Things

07:05 – Lee Station. I’ve just realised this train stops more frequently than busses how do I manage to ever get to work on time.
Music – Linkin Park

07:06 – I’m bored of this commentary, going to read.

Nothing to write home about

20 Apr

Too much coffee veins and head on fire. Too much energy, too many walls. Hour left – I need the open air!!

Things I’ll Miss

7 Apr

I remember from my previous travel’s how much I missed the smallest things. Not family, friends or enviroment. But rather – a bed I could call my own, a long bath with a book – and a cup of tea


6 Apr

A short story based on something I found in my Archive. In the quotes is the original and below is what I turned it to.

He sat on a park bench and fought to keep the winter chills at bay whilst He waited for His lift. Finally many hours after dark a small rusted car pulled into the lane and up onto the curb. A small bird flitted out of life and into His world.

“Get in, Quick” It was a short whispered shout. Then they were gone, driving into the misty darkness and away.

Lucus was bored, it was a Sunday afternoon and the sun was hidden behind a never ending veal of cloud. He got up and walked out of his room and down the hall into a small modern kitchen, selecting carefully he picked out the longest knife he could find and began to make a cheese sandwich, slicing the cheese into wafer thin sides before laying them gently onto the buttered bread and then smothering the whole lot in Salad cream, it was his one downfall he thought. Cheese, of all the things he could care about most.

When the most important task of the day was done it was time to have some fun.

The park was laced with winter snow. A bench sat neatly against the path, resting upon it’s wooden frame was a tall, slim built figure. Dark and hooded – our mysterious man seemed bathed in a gentle glow.

Rubbing his hands together Xiel fought of the winter chills. Waiting for the car to arrive was mundane and ordinary,  it took all his will to stop from bringing a fiery furnace down upon the heads of the morning dog walkers. A small robin landed next to him and looked up. Luckily robin’s have no imagination. For a human to look into those eyes would of brought an eternity of suffering – like looking into the fiery pits of hell – ashen grey and lifeless, a feeling of dread – the pain and suffering of thousands visited upon one. Driven to insanity shortly there after any human or creature of intelligence would of committed mass murder, suicide and finally lain down to suffer a punishment for eternity – reaping on humanities sins.

Luckily for the robin he just fell, stone dead.

“hmmm” Another soul thought Xiel – the small energy release made him sigh with pleasure.

A screech could be heard in the distance and then, thundering around the corner came a jet black Mercedes – driven by a city banker. Pulsing with raw energy came to rest by the park gates. Xial calmly stepped inside.

In another part of town it was time for Lucas to awake. The alarm was calling out like a siren – screeching and tinny from his mobile phone – no snooze button was available and as such could be seen flying across the room. Roughly slapped into oblivion as he fought to raise himself from this stupor.