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I’ll keep blogging

6 Mar

Funny how that never works. I always thought I would have time to keep blogging. Thoughts to express.

I recently left Christchurch. My travels these past few years have led me back and forth between Australia and New Zealand, once again here I am sitting in the Blue Mountains with more questions than answers.

As I’m sure you are all aware there was recently a big earthquake in Christchurch, NZ. The quake caused damage and destruction to people, property and the lifes of everyone in a country – hardly noticed by the rest of the world.

After the ground started shaking I remember jumping to my feet and running as fast as possible from the building, where I come from no-one tells us to hide under tables or in door frames. I wasn’t about to sit in the attic and wait for it to collapse on me.

Fighting against the movements of the building,avoiding falling objects – TV’s, books and paraphenalia I somehow managed to reach the fire door – only to find it locked. I grabbed a fallen french man and leapt across the room and out the door.

The carpark was full of people, dust choked the air and I stumbled over to a recognisable face. “What the Fuck!?”

Looking out across the street at a collapsed building was my first indication that things were more serious than I first believed. The cars around me we all at funny angles, everyone was babbling about how everything had moved and floods of people were suddenly everywhere. Moving through the streets. Alarms and sirens were to be heard everywhere and slowly I walked against the flow. Half in shock half in awe. My mind trying to take in everything at once. Neighbours soon had the radio on and I blindly walked through the city.

Men were cycling past me with huge cuts to their forehead, buisness suits of all shapes and sizes seemed to be all that was holding some people together, on the edge of desperation I could see tears and desperate phone calls everywhere I went. Everywhere I looked there was destruction, I walked past Stonehurst backpackersjust as someone ran past, what looked like authority. Into a completely collapsed and destroyed backpackers. I wondered to myself what I would do if my home had just collapsed with everything I knew inside. I own very little and my sense of property is warped, yet I see why someone would make such a desperate move.

Water was seeping up through cracks in the ground and as I round a new corner I see the side of a building has come down and someone is trying to resucitate a lady lying on the ground in the rubble.

100’s of people had gathered around the cathedral in the central square and seemed to be milling around. I think some unsure of what to do, other, like me in morbid fascination mixed with what emotions were holding together a shocked and scared mind. I know how it took 2 days for the shock to set in and thats when I cried. Right now a lady was being helped out of the cathedral by what I assume was rescue workers. Calling for a bottle of water the crowd offered what it could. There we were dispersed and told to leave the city if we could. Emergency aid was waiting in parks around the city and if all else. Stay, listen to the radio and await further information.

We turned and left walking past broken buildings and support polls that had come down and literally flattened several small cars.

Aftershocks persisted through the night and with a dry throat I lay half asleep listening to the boom of the earth and feverishly praying that nothing else would collapse.

This is not the end of the story, but for the time. Now only weeks later have I escaped the news coverage, the people, the affects and am able to wind my mind back in and calm down in serenity


This Life…

19 Aug


This life appeals to me. I haven’t written because I haven’t thought.

The monotony that was everyday life is no more and instead each day a new sight, a new view, a new idea, a new person….in short. Adventure.

I have started working in a kitchen in the mountains, washing dishes and instead of this being a menial and demeaning task I instead recognise it for it’s truth. Beneath the dirt and grime of uneaten food I see that life can offer more than work. If I work hard I won’t be stuck in a career like ICT in which I was before. I was happy, no doubt there but this is a different kind of happiness and it’s nice.

On Sunday I will get a train and visit some beach towns on the east coast, Coffs Harbour, Port Mcquarie. Then to return on Friday night, work saturday and sunday. Then once more head out Monday to Friday up to Cairns where I will Skydive, Bungee Jump and white water rafting on the Tully River, of course doing as much of this as possible naked.

So, this is travelling, this is meeting new people, this is a new lifestyle. This is cycling for 6 hours out onto a small outcropping of rock where I sit with a boo, looking out over a national reserve.

Stopping is not an option right now. Right now I know I have truely begun and soon the fruits of my labour will come into fruition and the lessons and experiences will be melded together and become part of my personality, my history, myself.

This is Life, this is new, this is me, this is happiness, this is no fear. I read about Chris Mcandless and realise that he just pushed it to the next level. Breaking free of all of life’s monotony and restraints, worries and complaints. To nature and to prove he was as good as he could be. I admire this ideal.

I like these mountains where I currently reside, I like to walk for 10,20,30,60 minute. Every second a new view, a new horizon. There’s no chlostraphobia that hits me each time I walk into a city. I can see the sky, I can hear the birds.

Each morning I wake in my tent and lay for a while listening to the birds and the possums, the creatures that live nearby. I roll out, I have breakfast, say hello to my fickle friends and then of out to a new track, walking, cycling. New sights and new sounds. A calmness….

I never

5 Jun

I never write about the ones I love or the happiness in my heart. If you read my posts you would think that I have nothing much in my life except blind ambition to an unforeseen goal. A direction and dogged determined attitude towards something completely obscure to all who know me.

This morning has been oddly upsetting. There is someone I love, I think so, very much, but who am I too know if what I think I feel is real. I’ll miss her so much and the fear of loosing what I have stumbled into, almost blindly makes me turn my back, almost on a goal I have aimed for over the past year or more. I have this desire and this need to push for these goals regardless of the pain it causes because I know its something I need to do before I regret my whole life knowing I could be a better person.

I’ve been waiting to hear these words for a while that maybe for me it is a solitary journey.

I’m scared of this trip, even more so now. But part of me considers it may be better, to be honest with myself, my mind has tossed and turned backwards and forwards constantly for the past month or more. To be or not to be, to go or not to go, to do or not to do. Whatever the answers, logic persuades me finally to accept, once more. To accept that I may lose, through fault of my own, something very special and unique to me…

You know how some songs remind you of the thoughless instictive care and love of those around you, those people that love you even if you are a smelly git…

The first and the last resort

14 Mar

Men rebel. That much is true and obvious. But what is the last resort? What is the first?

With old age all of our dignity and our rights slowly get taken away or lost until we have near nothing left.

When first born we have to learn our rights, reponsibillities and ultimately our limits.

I think that during both of these times and indeed through our whole life just one small and seemingly minute option to rebel against all forms of tirany and oppression. That is:

To miss. Young boys do it clearly on purpose – the toilet bowl is larger than their head and yet they still manage to spray urine all up the wall or over the floor.

Prisoners do it – when they have no rights and everything they do is monitored an judged. Excrement up the wall and pee in the corner.

Men in their prime. 30 – 45 reaching a peek in their career. Imagine them having a really bad meeting with the boss. I can imagine the need to pee in his plant pot or all over his chair. It’s almost animal.

Old infirm men, living in a home. Well it may be accidental and shakes because of the arthritis but after so many years of being able to pee standing up I think they will continue to do so. Even if they constantly miss. Because let’s face it – it’s the last vestige of rebellion. To be able to say screw you I’m going to pee on the floor. Standing up.

I might of taken the random thought too far, taken a theory out of context but maybe the animal inside us will always mark our territory.

I might suggest this to some waring factions in the middle east. Why don’t you all just pee on the land that’s yours and stop arguing. Go back to basics. Anyway, I’m off to the bathroom.

Surreal Train Experiences

12 Feb

This morning was odd – After getting on the train I picked a seat, sat down and looked up to see a girl about my age with her sleeves wrapped around her hands because of the cold. Pulling a spare pair of gloves from my bag I kicked her foot for attention and offered the gloves. After all I have two sets on me for some reason.

This girl looks at me and starts talking about things in the past etc. Finally it clicked, I had worked with this girl in a small company for about 6 months (3 Years Ago) haven’t spoken to her since. What’s even weirder is that she lives on the same street as me – doesn’t go out in our village much, all the bars are over 21’s. How surreal is that? I obviously said she should give me her number so we can hang out – after all, who else do we know in the same village, let alone the same street….
The response was something about “Do you have Facebook?” – “Do you know my name?”

Question is – Do I add her isn’t this what facebook is for – random liance’ with the girl who always made tea.

Internal Monologue’s and MP3’s

28 Jan

The night’s here are still getting dark early. It’s 5pm and I’m walking up Regent Street, when I come to a crossing. At the edge of the road waiting patiently. MP3 going in my ear and being generally happy and focused. The street’s are busy with shopper’s, tourists and travellers. We have business men and women all trying to get home and to meetings. Rush hour is upon us.

The road I am about to cross enters onto Regent street and as such is very busy. I look left, look right and notice a car coming towards us from oxford street very fast.

Suddenly, for reason’s I cannot fathom a lady on my right decides now is a good time to sprint across the road and thus causing the oncoming car to screech to a stop. Did I mention it was raining?

So we have me with my MP3 player waiting patiently, in the dark, cold and wet. Traversing a very busy part of London at a very busy part of the day. My thoughts on the matter were very simple and to the point.

“Stupid Bitch” I said.

Looking to my left I realise there is a women,  standing staring at me. ‘Shit’ I think – Instead of muttering to myself I have made the mistake of saying quite clearly and loudly what was on my mind. What should have been an internal monologue – an insult never uttered. Has turned instead to an unprovoked attack on an innocent bystander. All of this because of my MP3 player blaring in my ear’s, clearly I can’t hear myself think and as such have basically shouted and splurted my thoughts for all to know.

“OMG” I exclaim with my face reddening at the realisation “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that I”
She’s laughing and looks at me “I know, it’s the only way to meet people now days”
“That’s true, have a good evening, and again I’m so sorry”

The moral of this story should be clear to anyone. Be careful what you think, or maybe it’s something to do with the evils and perils of modern technology. You decide.

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Cometh the time of the Teabag

26 Jan

Cometh the time of the teabag.

I think we all go through certain stage’s in live. These are not nescessarilly age related or relevant but happen when our heart’s and mind’s reach an impasse. Be it with the world or against’s ones own body.

I hope I have passed through one. Stronger and more focused. Understanding better.

This blog started as a point of exploration – A chance to expel the arrogant side of myself, what better way to talk about yourself? I have spoken about believes, idea’s and thoughts of every kind.  Ranging from events that have haunted me for many years, following to talks around politics, religious ideas or just traveling . I have realised something important though. This journey has been one that I have shared with my reader’s – opening my heart out to the world in the hopes of finding myself. I think I have found more than that. I have found friend’s. Those of you that follow my ramblings each have amazing talent’s, be it in writing, photography or even an unrivalled ability to be selfless. For that I thank you.

Writing in this medium has made me realise my believes about life and about people. Even if my strongest believe is a conviction that I believe truly in nothing.

Now I find myself at a point where the thoughts have settled – the dreams and nightmare’s live on inside my head but for now the most pressing matter’s seem to involve teabags and packing. Cometh the time…

I don’t know about the moving on post – I don’t think I’m the kind of person that would say goodbye – it’s been fun, see you around. I’d just fade into obscurity and slowly let month’s of work and writing dissappear into nothing. I think this post is more about recognising the change’s that have come over me. I have had it commented on without prompting by other’s so I know it’s noticeable. I feel like im opening another door in my life and sad as it is I can feel the past closing behind me. Friend’s and memory drifting to just that. A memory…

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