Tag Archives: human


3 Jun

Whilst I am still very much mellowing in my melancholy moment of madness I have decided to find something to make me smile. A quick google search for “funny email correspondence” brought me to this result. Now, instead of making me laugh it brought forth the feeling’s I consistently have about “people” as a whole. Slightly ignorant, racist and of course cocky, some think they are funny. Others direct their stupidity towards those, whose only concern is to try and help resolve the situation.

In the link we see an email directed towards a police station in the UK. The complaint being that it is very difficult to get through to someone on the phone and the complainee, let’s call him fuckwad to keep his privacy and well being at their uttermost. So Mr Fuckwad decides to email a police station to complain that a bunch of kids or teenagers are playing ball against a fence outside his home. He describes the youths as “walking abortions” and you can already tell he’s the kind of old, grumpy, self serving, self centered, unrealistic, stuck up twat that writes to his local newspaper on a weekly basis to discuss the decline of this country. He probably fought in a war that ended 10 years before he was born, and his sister is friends with the queen.

After a lengthy rant about a simple matter he ends with what can only be considered a rude and peremptory closing of the email.

Here’s where I’ll quote you the professional and polite, also helpful email from his local PC.

“Mr Fuckwad,

I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.


PC ???


Community Beat Officer”

Let’s dissect the email. First line, a polite greeting to Mr Fuckwad. The hero of this particular story.  The second line and indeed first paragraph begins and ends nicely clearly underlining the issues that were raised in the original complaint and reiterating that the responding PC has taken the trouble to read the dribble coming from Mr F’s mouth as he salivates onto his computer keyboard whilst touching his sister. Ok that bit didn’t happen but he might as well be some inbred hick by the pleasure he takes at his inconsistent and obtuse email where he is clearly attempting some form of humorous writing.
The second paragraph in the response introduces the respondent as the local PCSO. Ok so the email is being responded to by the correct person, someone who understands the complaint and also understands the area and the person he is responding to. Our responding PCSO finishes by simply offering to contact the emailing Mr Fuckwad at a convenient time via the telephone to arrange a face to face meeting where they can discuss the matters that have been brought up and hopefully resolve the issues satisfactory.
So, instead of acknowledging the very polite response and arranging a suitable time to have a much closer and personal resolution to the initial, very minor issue. Mr Fuckwad decides that he is too clever for this simple PCSO and will respond with scorn and sarcasm. I wonder why he has such a bad life and consistently fails to achieve. Karma’s a bitch.

P.s I’m lying in bed typing this by candle light whilst drinking chocolate horlicks. It seems to be a killer equation and only time will tell if it has any exceptions.


Secret’s are better when they’re shorter

20 Dec

Secret’s are better when they’re shorter

I’m afraid of life,
I’m afraid of myself
I know I’m a hypocrite
I fake emotions that I think I should feel
I don’t care, about anything.

I’m scared of life, love, the future
I don’t understand myself
I want to be this person
I want to love and have romance, stories, secrets, past and present
I care about you all – but sometimes I’d rather be selfish.

I fear that I won’t achieve
I don’t even know my goals
I lust for the wrong things, and people
I want to feel adventure – but everyday is the same
I buy things to make myself feel bigger and better than you all.

I worry that I’m alone
I love this feeling
I’m happy and fulfilled but need attention
I crave for desire but reject everyone
I’d rather be alone but it’s scary

I realised I’m human
We’re all the same
No-one knows me better than me
I don’t know myself
Again, were all the same

It took me along time to realise that. We’re all human and none of us are truly alone. Our fears, ideas, dreams, confusions, religions. Everything – we’re all human and somewhere out there someone feels exactly the same, we all share this fear of ourselves and others and strive for direction and assistance yet confuse and shun those who help us. We can all be selfish and we can all judge. Everyone is hypocritical at some point even if just the once and only a tiny bit. I think we all suffer in ourselves yet I believe in people more than I know. I have faith in goodness and judgement. It’s easy, we all make mistakes. I think we need to get over ourselves but I’m just as arrogant if not more than the next person. I wish people could believe in themselves. I get angry and scared, I get irrational. Fuck! I like to swear. I want to be this good guy. I pretend to be this bad guy. I can’t spell and my mental arithemetic has gotten worse. I’m lazy


6 Sep

This is always one of those controversial subjects – it’s very hard to write about it without sparking extremes. This is not what I was originally going to blog about but that’s for another day. I have been thinking about being a chameleon, my personality and how I seem to have nothing that stands out in the crowd. Continue reading