Tag Archives: Life

Hide behind the smile

13 Mar

Sometimes in this job you have to wrap it all up and hide the emotions behind the smile. Some break….

I don’t even know if/when im coming home. How do I know im ready – I’m pretty certain I know whats waiting for me back in the UK and if I left once then whats to stop me, lets face it – if it wasnt enough before then it definitely won’t be enough if I go back after experiencing a different life.

So the road is long and winding, and that’s life. The direction you take is yours to make. When the path ends, well that’s yours aswell. Once you leave the road life’s a cul-de-sac, a roundabout. It doesn’t change.

What to do, what to do.

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This Life…

19 Aug
Wild

Wild

This life appeals to me. I haven’t written because I haven’t thought.

The monotony that was everyday life is no more and instead each day a new sight, a new view, a new idea, a new person….in short. Adventure.

I have started working in a kitchen in the mountains, washing dishes and instead of this being a menial and demeaning task I instead recognise it for it’s truth. Beneath the dirt and grime of uneaten food I see that life can offer more than work. If I work hard I won’t be stuck in a career like ICT in which I was before. I was happy, no doubt there but this is a different kind of happiness and it’s nice.

On Sunday I will get a train and visit some beach towns on the east coast, Coffs Harbour, Port Mcquarie. Then to return on Friday night, work saturday and sunday. Then once more head out Monday to Friday up to Cairns where I will Skydive, Bungee Jump and white water rafting on the Tully River, of course doing as much of this as possible naked.

So, this is travelling, this is meeting new people, this is a new lifestyle. This is cycling for 6 hours out onto a small outcropping of rock where I sit with a boo, looking out over a national reserve.

Stopping is not an option right now. Right now I know I have truely begun and soon the fruits of my labour will come into fruition and the lessons and experiences will be melded together and become part of my personality, my history, myself.

This is Life, this is new, this is me, this is happiness, this is no fear. I read about Chris Mcandless and realise that he just pushed it to the next level. Breaking free of all of life’s monotony and restraints, worries and complaints. To nature and to prove he was as good as he could be. I admire this ideal.

I like these mountains where I currently reside, I like to walk for 10,20,30,60 minute. Every second a new view, a new horizon. There’s no chlostraphobia that hits me each time I walk into a city. I can see the sky, I can hear the birds.

Each morning I wake in my tent and lay for a while listening to the birds and the possums, the creatures that live nearby. I roll out, I have breakfast, say hello to my fickle friends and then of out to a new track, walking, cycling. New sights and new sounds. A calmness….

A Story about A Man, and A Tie

3 Mar

I get the feeling that I have written about this before but here goes again. The strangest moment I think I have ever felt, or at least one of them – Life is mightily strange after all.

Exiting the LLU (London Underground) i.e Tube. Looking up, on the stairs. A man. Wearing a tie.

Nothing odd, fascinating or indeed interesting in that. Men wear ties? Men travel on the Tube. What are the chances of a man, wearing a tie, being on the tube, at the same time as me!!! Shock! Horror!

I look down. Guy, Me, Tie. Again, I look up.

Our eyes meet across the crowded stairwell and suddenly it clicks. We are both wearing the same tie – we exchange hand signals. International sign language to say  “OMG, Snap!” well at least I did, his eyes said something different “OMG, Uno!” but he was on his own, where as I always have a companion in my head to talk to.

I can only imagine the thoughts that went through his head. But at this moment I am reminded of the curiosity of the moment. A once in a life time experience that both excites and confuses you. This is not meant to happen. The only thing that can come close to this moment is for a woman – walking into a party to see her friend wearing the same dress! Its unthinkable. Especially when I don’t normally wear ties. Life really is strange to throw you into these moments.

I really do wonder what he was thinking, its difficult enough to explain my own emotions. If I didn’t have any self control my mouth would be open, tongue swelling out, saliva dripping down my chest like some snail-trail. Ending part way towards my package and looking like a severe case of Premature ejaculation. Luckily this didn’t happen.

I like post’s where I can add “Sex” words as a tag. It’s always a nice chance to get the pervy gits to check out your blog. Boner on the way and then, sudden disappointment as they scroll down looking for naked girls. I don’t have any pictures of naked girls on my blog. But if you want me to get some Ill happily oblige. 😀

One Tie poem (Clearly stolen):

One Tie to rule them all, One Tie to find them,
One Tie to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

Update: @Girlslashwoman

Some people are never happy – everyone wants the full glory, dirty secrets and details. Another sex tag I think “Kinky tie?” – The tie as far as I remember was unfortunately very boring and plain so I’m now going to lie, I mean bend the truth and give you – SUPER TIE.

The tie I was wearing, some of you might of already seen. It’s hard to miss. I never knew the rainbow had more then 7 visible colurs but according to the lable on this tie, it could “bend the rules of physics, light and all that tosh”, honestly. I wouldn’t lie. The tie is actually one of a set – all based in different and colliding dimentions to make you look the sexiest possible where ever you are. Of course ties are clearly sexy! (New Tag) but this one could produce its own pheromones, making women weak at the knees just catching a reflection of it in a puddle. Oddly enough, it was a christmas present….from my mum.

Night dreams, paranoia and epathy

12 Feb

I’ve just gotten home. Ended up working more then twelve hours. Got to station and ended up in a conversation with some drunk girls. Got on train and then get told it’s suddenly diverted to a different line. After this I ended up waiting for 40 minutes for the next train. Now obviously it’s a bad day already and I want to get home to sleep.
I wonder what is so weird in my mind that the thought that came to me as I walked to my door. A daydream of sorts that walking through my door finding myself being burgled, a man walking past with my laptop under my arm. My reaction to this odd occurance was to walk on bye and just wave them away saying – whatever nothing can get worse. So surprised by this the burglers put my stuff down, left my house and me in peace. Now I am wondering if there is something in a dream book. Some psychological explanation for a completlet irrational moment. Something that makes no sense.

Cometh the time of the Teabag

26 Jan

Cometh the time of the teabag.

I think we all go through certain stage’s in live. These are not nescessarilly age related or relevant but happen when our heart’s and mind’s reach an impasse. Be it with the world or against’s ones own body.

I hope I have passed through one. Stronger and more focused. Understanding better.

This blog started as a point of exploration – A chance to expel the arrogant side of myself, what better way to talk about yourself? I have spoken about believes, idea’s and thoughts of every kind.  Ranging from events that have haunted me for many years, following to talks around politics, religious ideas or just traveling . I have realised something important though. This journey has been one that I have shared with my reader’s – opening my heart out to the world in the hopes of finding myself. I think I have found more than that. I have found friend’s. Those of you that follow my ramblings each have amazing talent’s, be it in writing, photography or even an unrivalled ability to be selfless. For that I thank you.

Writing in this medium has made me realise my believes about life and about people. Even if my strongest believe is a conviction that I believe truly in nothing.

Now I find myself at a point where the thoughts have settled – the dreams and nightmare’s live on inside my head but for now the most pressing matter’s seem to involve teabags and packing. Cometh the time…

I don’t know about the moving on post – I don’t think I’m the kind of person that would say goodbye – it’s been fun, see you around. I’d just fade into obscurity and slowly let month’s of work and writing dissappear into nothing. I think this post is more about recognising the change’s that have come over me. I have had it commented on without prompting by other’s so I know it’s noticeable. I feel like im opening another door in my life and sad as it is I can feel the past closing behind me. Friend’s and memory drifting to just that. A memory…


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Swing

24 Jan

Something to strive for, a life – not worth to die for.  But only word’s here I live for. Maybe, just swing life away.

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, are we just getting more lost?

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let’s compare scars I’ll tell you whose is worse
Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

[Chorus]
We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave ’til the end
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand

I’ve been here so long; think that its time to move
The winter’s so cold summer’s over too soon
so let’s pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I’ve got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we’ve had some times I wouldn’t trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

[Chorus]
We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave ’til the end
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand, until you hold my hand

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let’s compare scars I’ll tell you whose is worse
Let’s unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

[Chorus]
We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I’ll slave ’til the end
I won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand
Swing life away
Swing life away
Swing life away
Swing life away

Mainstream, accessible punk revival song by Rise Against but even so the lyrics mean so much to me. They appeal to my nature and let me dream of a better life. To not worry – to dream of seeing the world. To not let the little thing’s get you down and to know that there is always value in people and relationships.

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Relocating

14 Jan

Work has been hectic recently, my life has consisted of working hard, coming home and sleeping so sorry for the lack of posts.

I’ve been thinking a lot today about the idea of relocating. I plan to travel Australia for a year in about 5 months now, time flies. My general outlook towards life, friends, family generally is very negative and pessimistic at the moment. I know that most thing’s that are irreplaceable – Family, Old trusted friendships, will never really go anywhere, if I were to leave and return at some point even if for short visits then my friends and family would be just where I left them. Somewhere on this small island that is slowly penning it’s citizens down until we won’t be able to wipe our asses without someone standing there watching and taking notes.

I haven’t truly considered the overall implications of the idea but most of me is already planning ahead in silence. It’s what I do best. My mind has already said – If I like it, why not stay, why not develop a new – free-er, more nomadic lifestyle. What’s to stop me? Really, sometimes you have to be selfish and say to your friends, say to your family – I’m not coming back.
I think in my situation it would only be my friend’s that would say the word’s “I don’t want you to go” or similar. I know my mum quite well and she knows if I get something in my head there’s nothing she could say to stop me or change my mind. I respect that a lot – I know that she would miss me and care, worry and think of me. But I also know she would be proud of me going out into the world and living it, being happy and making the most of what I have been given. I love my mum, for this especially.

If you guy’s haven’t noticed there is now a link in my blogroll to Richmeister so check it out, a guy who started like me, on a one year working visa and is planning to stay for another year possibly more. The blog seems to center around his trials and tribulations – work, accommodation and travel plans. Much like life is for me here in the UK. I guess one thing to take from it is that the grass isn’t necessarily greener and maybe you can’t escape the trivialities of life – but then he is in IT like me…maybe I should be a botanist, I certainly love growing plants, well, grass.

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