Tag Archives: me

Acceptance of foriegn culture

9 May
Italy 3
Italy 3

I have recently returned from visiting Italy with little Floperv and have once again found myself in a situation several times feeling very frustrated and aggressive. The reason being that I am still English and with that comes a natural nature to Que. To be polite and to generally try to be pleasant to people. What I experienced in Italy was a very near opposite of these basic ideals I tend to live by. My blood began to boil and whilst waiting in the que for the plane I began to have Italians forming up on my flanks, obviously waiting to step in front of me or to step into the que at any moment. My hand was shaking and from nowhere came this beast, ready to fling burning coffee into everyone’s faces. It was only the calming influence of my company that saved the blister’s from the Italian buggers.

What I am curious of clearly is if really this was an act of aggression from a misunderstanding or intollerance of anothers culture or are they just rude buggers who need a slap. What really constitutes intollerance?

And now for some pictures I took whilst in Italy. Enjoy

Happy birthday

11 Oct

Yay I got sent loads of messages at like midnight today saying happy birthday.aren’t people nice. 🙂

Hello

30 Sep

There’s this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. For so long I’ve been happy and confident. I know who I am and if you don’t like me then I don’t need you. I’m wondering where that foolhardy ability “to just say hi” has gone. I’m on the train, a little wet from the rain listening to more wham. There’s a pretty girl by the door who I’ve noticed smile, very attractive but for some reason this unnerves me. This happened two days ago as well around 5 girls my age came onto the train and sat around me in the same part of the train. Perfect chance to say hi, girls talking about baby names and stupid names. Here’s me “what’s wrong with nice normal name like Alex”, “I like the name Alex”, “so do I, most people call me Alex….might be because that’s my name though” girl laughs and leans towards me.

What is wrong with a simple hello. Instead I’m stuck with this awkward shyness. Probably some form of self preservation.

Random Cooking Video

27 Sep

Er, I do things for no reason sometimes, just check out the grass im growing on my windowsill…..

Enjoy 😀

Night Train

24 Sep

It was a night just like tonight. Almost two years ago I was sat in a hostel in Rome, just north of Vatican City. I remember feeling a certain apprehension but couldn’t place the reason. That evening the people I had been spending evenings with has all agreed we would have a small leaving party. So wandering out into the darkening night we roved around looking for some cheap alcohol.

I’m not sure why my mind is stuck here in the echoing corridors but it is so there you have it. In reality I’m on a train listening to RHCP and reading the fifth Hitchikers book. Just hoping to get home soon to while away another evening.

I know that I shouldn’t be like this really, my brother is staying with me for a while, I just want to be on my own to wallow in self pity. I never really cry but my thoughts are driving me insane. I’m almost at the point of breaking down right here in my seat.

I guess it’s now that I truly realise that I do need to get out of here, I need this escape and freedom, if I’m stuck in this country much longer I don’t know what I might do. I’m scared knowing this feeling is here just waiting to bubble to the surface when I least expect it, like now.

It’s not knowing how to deal with it which is the worst thing. I have no name for it and I’m stuck, trapped. I sometimes think my determination and focus to travel is the only thing keeping me going. What happens when that becomes not an option. What happens when I have to work, how do I deal with my goals of wanting a family, to be able to provide and bring my kids up well.

How can I ever manage to get outside of my own head, where’s my emergency exit I can’t help myself I just need to put away the memories, the gears and feelings.

Oh hod even thinking about these things is making my stomach twist. I remember these feelings being strongest when I was living alone, a faux depression that only I could see or recognise…

There’s nothing I can do or say to myself that makes me feel better. Nowhere to go. I just want to sleep and wish away another day, one less fay till I can break away and find a wide emptiness, somewhere to let my mind stretch forth. I need the fear and the excitement, the change to let my brain run wild unshackled and free….

learning to share

17 Sep

I’ve realised over time that a lot of my qualities I have taken from my mum. These being good and not so good.

Thinking about this whilst sitting in a church garden today I believe I have pinpointed a few issues.
I’m very picky about a lot of things, I like things to be just so, I like to know where everything is. This in turn leads to me not liking particularly other people using or touching my stuff. It’s personal space, I have this very tight, unbending concept of space. I need it sanctioned and it needs to be mine. Continue reading

Why do you write?

16 Sep

I have been asked a few time’s why I am blogging, why I am writing these personal things. How do you explain to someone…… Continue reading