Tag Archives: rant


3 Jun

Whilst I am still very much mellowing in my melancholy moment of madness I have decided to find something to make me smile. A quick google search for “funny email correspondence” brought me to this result. Now, instead of making me laugh it brought forth the feeling’s I consistently have about “people” as a whole. Slightly ignorant, racist and of course cocky, some think they are funny. Others direct their stupidity towards those, whose only concern is to try and help resolve the situation.

In the link we see an email directed towards a police station in the UK. The complaint being that it is very difficult to get through to someone on the phone and the complainee, let’s call him fuckwad to keep his privacy and well being at their uttermost. So Mr Fuckwad decides to email a police station to complain that a bunch of kids or teenagers are playing ball against a fence outside his home. He describes the youths as “walking abortions” and you can already tell he’s the kind of old, grumpy, self serving, self centered, unrealistic, stuck up twat that writes to his local newspaper on a weekly basis to discuss the decline of this country. He probably fought in a war that ended 10 years before he was born, and his sister is friends with the queen.

After a lengthy rant about a simple matter he ends with what can only be considered a rude and peremptory closing of the email.

Here’s where I’ll quote you the professional and polite, also helpful email from his local PC.

“Mr Fuckwad,

I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.


PC ???


Community Beat Officer”

Let’s dissect the email. First line, a polite greeting to Mr Fuckwad. The hero of this particular story.  The second line and indeed first paragraph begins and ends nicely clearly underlining the issues that were raised in the original complaint and reiterating that the responding PC has taken the trouble to read the dribble coming from Mr F’s mouth as he salivates onto his computer keyboard whilst touching his sister. Ok that bit didn’t happen but he might as well be some inbred hick by the pleasure he takes at his inconsistent and obtuse email where he is clearly attempting some form of humorous writing.
The second paragraph in the response introduces the respondent as the local PCSO. Ok so the email is being responded to by the correct person, someone who understands the complaint and also understands the area and the person he is responding to. Our responding PCSO finishes by simply offering to contact the emailing Mr Fuckwad at a convenient time via the telephone to arrange a face to face meeting where they can discuss the matters that have been brought up and hopefully resolve the issues satisfactory.
So, instead of acknowledging the very polite response and arranging a suitable time to have a much closer and personal resolution to the initial, very minor issue. Mr Fuckwad decides that he is too clever for this simple PCSO and will respond with scorn and sarcasm. I wonder why he has such a bad life and consistently fails to achieve. Karma’s a bitch.

P.s I’m lying in bed typing this by candle light whilst drinking chocolate horlicks. It seems to be a killer equation and only time will tell if it has any exceptions.


No – Thank you!

18 Apr

I’m not an idiot – far from it thank you very much. So if I’m standing there behind the till when I have just paid for my Newspapers would you stop looking at me like an idiot and saying “Thank you”, how about you listen the first time when I ask for a receipt – “Waht?!?!” is really not the best or politest answer when you miss what someone says – you brain dead moron! Your working behind a till, I know its early morning and your tired. I work on a reception desk on Saturday’s, I work in IT support the rest of the week, I’m working 6 days a week and then some, so. Basically don’t act like you struggle to get to work in the morning. How difficult is a smile and a little politeness. I don’t want your respect or your undying affection. Just some half decent service. So, No – Thank You! stop repeating the same thing until I get the picture and leave. GAhhhhhh

Fat People and Train Seats

20 Feb

Now I don’t mean to be rude. But when I’m sitting on a train, reading my paper or my book – Maybe listening to my MP3 Player just minding my own business. So now anyone that travels on public transport knows that it’s difficult to get a seat at the best of times. So I love it when I actually find a seat and plot up, cosy my head in my hood and nap until I get home.

So, when a Fat person sits next to me I get really upset.

2 reasons really – the seats are small and hard to get. It’s for this reason that I hate it when a fat person literally wedge’s themselves between me and another person – practically forcing my off my seat and onto the floor. I mean come on – “Did you pay for two seats you fat bastard? What? No? – then move the fuck over or loose some weight!” “Stop killing your heart with grease and donuts!” “Stop growing so many folds of fat that you constantly sweat – so much so that you are soaked and lubed up enough to slide into a seat half your size without even a grunt.

I wouldn’t mind a fat git having two seats if they pay for them! – Here’s a novel idea – Ban fat people on trains, make them walk. They will lose the weight and then can come back on the trains.

Rant over

An interesting idea

1 Feb

I completely forgot to turn my Alarm off on my Ipod last night and have been woken on a Sunday morning annoyed and slightly grumpy. I need to make a cup of tea and relax. *Time Passes* I’ve made my Tea now and am feeling a lot happier. The cup I am using is one of those ridiculously small ones – thin china with some kind of gold motif’s and a badge design on the front claiming to be “University of Aberdeen” – Here’s a suggestion. Make better cups!

The beauty of being waken in this rude fashion is that it has kick-started some fairly dormant brain cell’s – by its combination of anger, fear, confusion and pure sleepiness I have developed a plan, an idea maybe or even just a musing.

SI has come up with this great idea for character development and I thought it would be fun, if she obliges – to write a sort of amalgamation, a continuation of each of our character’s in their Journal’s and Diaries – but an introduction. It would be fun for our character’s to have the opportunity to respond to each other. If not off course – then my story would simply be the imaginations of a magical dragon named puff. Dreaming of an alternate universe and what could have been.

May 14th,

Journal, I am glad I am still writing in you. It sometimes feels that over the past few months. I hesitate to write this for the admittance is enough in itself to cause me to panic.  Well, writing in you has kept me going. There’s nothing else to it really, the chance to let of that steam and pressure that has been building up – well it’s been intense. I want to thank you, and reading back I can see it is your birthday. I’ve drawn you a little cake in the corner, I hope you enjoy it.

I have some good news, I might be girlfriend-less and I might of lost everything I have – but finally, I have found an escape. A friend of mine has recommended a job to me in Vermont – and after applying several week’s ago they have written back asking me to come for an interview. This could be it! the escape I need. A chance at a new beginning – wish me luck!


May 15th

Journal, I’m lucky your still with me, airport security took one look at me and did a full search of everything in my bag’s – they found you and I say now I would of killed them on the spot if they had opened you. Luckily they were too interested in the speedo’s that had tangled in the strap! God the embarrassment.

I’m on the flight at the moment and I can tell you – these last few hour’s have been the worst and the best time’s of my life. To the left and down a bit is the most intriguing girl I have ever laid eye’s on. She doesn’t have outstanding beauty and seems to be very intent on an internal monologue – maybe she is worried about something? Who knows. I saw her get up once to go to the bathroom and hid behind my fork. Making the rubbery in-flight meal look like the most tantalising thing I have ever eaten. I notice she is writing in a small leather book much like my own and I wish I could talk to her, but after Sophie nothing will be the same again.

I must dash – the overhead light’s have just come on and the captain has announced our decent. I’ll strap on my seatbelt now and hope for a safe landing – this is the scariest thing I have ever done.


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Ignorance and Stupidity

8 Jan

It’s easy to get annoyed at ignorance, arrogance and stupidity.  Take for example the TV License people – an organisation that appears to solely exist to extract money from scared innocent people by using draconian laws and honey trap words. Sending letter’s that to the casual observer instill a certain ammount of fear and obedience. This company uses TV Propaganda to further their campaign and is begging to get on my nerves.

An example of a letter I received from them recently (Please bare in mind that I do not watch TV, do not have it connected to an aerial, it is not tuned and can not receive TV signals – therefore I am not breaking any laws by not having a license)

License Letter

License Letter

After reading this letter I decided the obvious course of action was to write a stinking letter – Enjoy:

Good Evening,
I have recently received several Letter’s from your company instructing me to pay for a TV License as I do not have one. This will not happen as by law I am not required to. I do not appreciate the threatening tone you use in your letters and, if the content of your letter’s are true. The total incompetence you clearly show to running an organisation. To start with you have sent me two letter’s both with different reference number’s both stating you have tried to contact me on many previous occassions, this is not the case. I can only assume these are purely there to fill up white space and justify some meaningless existence to your letter writing department.
Continuing in the Letter I am told that you have authorised your enforcement officer’s to visit my property at any time they wish. I would like to remind you that even the charity shop’s in my area are able to give specific time’s they will visit, your organisation is clearly not professional if you can not contact me properly and organise a time to visit that suit’s us both. In this I will not be talking to, or granting entrance to anyone you wish to send to my property. I would like to suggest that you take into consideration the points raised in this message and apologise for the threatening tone of your messages, I would also remind you that we do not live in a time where racketeering is considered legal. You cannot use bluster and threats to coax money from people and would be wise to not carry on with this fruitless technique.

And that is my evenings post. 😀

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Pretentious sandwhich shops and TShirt designs

23 Dec

Morning wanderings always give me something to think about, something to say and some silly thought to have.

First of the rant:

At what point did it become ok for these pretentious sneering sandwhich shops to exhist. This morning I want round the corner to this little sanwhich shop near Fenchurch Street, on reccommendation I might add. The store was decorated like most of these places. Shiny, silky and metallic. Lot’s of glass fronted cabinets – and for some reason rows and rows of Brown Sauce. By the looks of this place I could get what I wanted – spotty twenty something girl behind counter looks up at me and smiles. Pleasant enough. “Can I get a sausage and egg sandwhich please with some Ketchup”

It’s 11am, middle of London, I’m hungry, they have bottles of brown sauce as decoration….

“Sorry breakfast is over. I can’t do you egg but if you go down to the other end they guys can give you sausage. We also have a collection of cold meats”

Simple rant goes – WTF!!!!!!!!

Now the T-Shirt design, prepare to be wow’ed beyond your wildest dreams.

You know how tempting it is to touch Wet Paint signs…..Tshirt with “Wet Paint” printed in large letters 😀 – On the back it’ll say “You Know You Want To” ehhehe It would have to be made to look like the sign is taped on and everything


Why Read?

20 Oct

I was having a conversation with someone this morning and got really really incensed. I was actually insulted by the ignorance of what was being said. Asked what I was doing I told them that I was reading the 6th Harry Potter book, again. To my utter dismay and shock I got a reply along the lines of “Why bother there’s a film coming out for that soon”

Surely anyone that has ever picked up a book, read and article or even seen a newspaper know that there is nothing more powerful and influential than the written word. Surely people understand that a book is so much more involved and exciting. It lets you delve into a whole new world, where your imagination can go wild. Where as film’s are their primarily to make money. They have limits on how long they can be and as such can never contain the twists, turns, plot lines and intrigue that books can. With amazing character buildup, so much so that you almost know the characters personally. Every thought, every whim, every desire in their hearts and minds is open to you and there is nothing stronger and more exciting and fun then that.

Plus, Harry Potter is a good fun story.

EDIT: A post in response to this blog. Judge for yourselfs http://thoughtblender.wordpress.com/2008/10/21/rather-watch-movie-than-read/