Tag Archives: self

Me and Myself

4 Nov

Meet Sponge – Meet The Juggler,

Life is made up of chance encounters. Words spoken and overheard. Suggestions and ideas bought to life in unexpected ways, this is one of those that has shaped my life.

Recently someone mentioned to me that they thought I had two personalities. This shocked me at first, initially that someone could read me so easily and secondly because I knew it was true. It always has been. I haven’t thought about this in a long time but this simple little moment jolted me back and has had my mind spinning for days now.

I remember the first time that I could shape my personality. My obsession with the word ‘Sponge’ had gotten a little out of hand. As it was due too. I was a teenager and my emotions were wildly out of place and out of sync. My friend Gold told me that she never understood the ‘Sponge thing’ but that she thought it was kind of like my alter ego. I realised she was right. I had an avatar, a name, a signature, everything except the words to shape it and give life to my own personality. The name was the important thing. Things started to click into place. I did, and still do sign my name as Sponge, funnily enough no-one has ever noticed or mentioned this strange habit.

I understand now, the power in giving something a name. It makes it real, makes it solid and allows the thing life and growth.

Over the years as I’ve figured out who I am, who I want to be and come to terms with my good and bad points my character has shaped itself into 2 distinct people. Sponge – the ‘dark’ side, and now – given a name – The Juggler. A handle I have used when writing and the self that traveled through India and used juggling as a way to interact on a new level.

It’s strange to think about your own self as 2 distinct people. You sometimes loose a lot of inhibitions – you can say it wasn’t ‘You’, you justify things to yourself with the knowledge that – whatever your doing, however your acting isn’t who you really are, its the shell of a person that you have consciously created to contain all those things that you can not control but despise in your own actions.
Those times when you are vengeful and petty – that’s Sponge. When your arrogant and controlling, bossy, rude, racist. It’s not who I am, I know I have many good qualities but to keep them on the surface you need to embrace the bad. For me this happens in allowing those bad qualities to have a name and to accept that they are part of who you are, even if that part is almost a completely different person….

Cometh the time of the Teabag

26 Jan

Cometh the time of the teabag.

I think we all go through certain stage’s in live. These are not nescessarilly age related or relevant but happen when our heart’s and mind’s reach an impasse. Be it with the world or against’s ones own body.

I hope I have passed through one. Stronger and more focused. Understanding better.

This blog started as a point of exploration – A chance to expel the arrogant side of myself, what better way to talk about yourself? I have spoken about believes, idea’s and thoughts of every kind.  Ranging from events that have haunted me for many years, following to talks around politics, religious ideas or just traveling . I have realised something important though. This journey has been one that I have shared with my reader’s – opening my heart out to the world in the hopes of finding myself. I think I have found more than that. I have found friend’s. Those of you that follow my ramblings each have amazing talent’s, be it in writing, photography or even an unrivalled ability to be selfless. For that I thank you.

Writing in this medium has made me realise my believes about life and about people. Even if my strongest believe is a conviction that I believe truly in nothing.

Now I find myself at a point where the thoughts have settled – the dreams and nightmare’s live on inside my head but for now the most pressing matter’s seem to involve teabags and packing. Cometh the time…

I don’t know about the moving on post – I don’t think I’m the kind of person that would say goodbye – it’s been fun, see you around. I’d just fade into obscurity and slowly let month’s of work and writing dissappear into nothing. I think this post is more about recognising the change’s that have come over me. I have had it commented on without prompting by other’s so I know it’s noticeable. I feel like im opening another door in my life and sad as it is I can feel the past closing behind me. Friend’s and memory drifting to just that. A memory…


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