Tag Archives: sex

The relationship status

2 Apr

3:35 GMT

I think I like waking up at this time with a thought or an idea that makes me want to write so much.

I feel I may have been neglecting my blog for a while so this is me showing her I still care. (isn’t that strange) the emotion I attach to my blog is a female personification. Much like a ship or the sea. I have women at 3am with a need to feel her embrace and respect. Overcome with fear and suspicion my mind aches to relieve some of those worries. So much that I type on my iPod knowing it will generate lots of spelling errors. Knowing that using big words will confuse my phone and end up with a jumbled, ignorant looking post. Well – I can fix that tomorrow. Aha I have foiled the only foible. Now to the crux:

I think I have just pinpointed a curious idea about our social behaviour, the way we interact with each other and I guess this need to keep a few things mysterious. Particularly prevalent in online networking sites ala Facebook. But I feel just as relevant in face to face booking. Hehehe see what I did there?

So the idea, we lie about our relationship status when we feel the need to be accepted by our peers. The best example being “it’s complicated” what a stroke of brilliance.
Those 3 little words are frickin’ genius (like sharks with laserbeams attached to their heads). The words it’s complicated could mean so much.

In fact all these relationship statuses could just be a lie! That’s right, there I said it – when I have been ‘engaged’ for the past year or so. Well it was a lie, when it says it’s complicated chances are I’m single and sleeping around or I’m not single but I’m not making a big deal about it, pretending to the world and myself that I can resist the urge to shout it out. Oh and by the way her names flo 🙂

It’s complicated is such universal and open ended statement. I like the idea that you here or see “It’s complicated” and then just make your own mind up – deciding that maybe they person doesn’t want to talk about it. Or maybe deciding that are gay and ashamed? It’s a sentence that doesn’t actually tell you anything real, solid or factual but our mind fills in the details allowing us to gloss over the missing parts and proceed with the next question or thought, as if we have learned what we asked, in fact. We have learned what we already believe to be true


Early Morning Comments

4 Mar

I have an Iphone – It’s quite nice to be able to read all your comments on the train in the morning. One that made me laugh out loud was on my previous post so I thought I would stick it here and reply – because it made me smile. Nothing more, nothing less. So to share a little bit of happiness:

See, now I can process this story in an appropriate manner. I was going to demand a picture but since it’s a made up tie and you’ve described it so beautifully, there isn’t a need anymore is there?
So in the case of this theoretical “super tie” that you spotted someone else wearing, I’d have to say that you seem to have taken it pretty well. I might even go so far as to say that you are secretly devastated and that this calm exterior is a total sham. If I was wearing the sexiest tie on earth, I’d be pretty pissed to learn that it is just one -of- the sexiest ties in the world. And now I’m wondering if seeing that man changed your entire perception of the tie? Or life itself? I imagine that this whole fake tie must have been a major blow and now you’re really not the same person anymore.
And that is just perfect. A dynamic story filled with a unique article of clothing that is defrauded by a random encounter in the underground, complete with a life changing experience. All the juiciness I could ask for. Thank you.

In Response:

Yes, in secret I suppose I am devastated. The fact that my unique tie, is not in fact unique defies all my believes in life. I think the only thing saving me from completely breaking down is knowing that my tie is the original. His, just a mere refraction on the space time continuum (This can happen with multi-dimentional objects). His tie is in fact non existent except by the theory of L-Space (Read T.Pratchett). Now as a simple minded youth – science isn’t my strong point so I can’t really get into the details of L-Space and re-fractional, semi potent objectional reanimation, but let me say this. My tie is the best. Simple as, his, a mere copy, an echo of the original. A cheap Chinese knock-off.

With Love,


This is a day for posting comments in my blog. Thoughts and opinions that I have shared with others. I think there are some things I have and will say today that would normally take up a post as I expand upon them and try to find the right emotions in my sentences and layout to express the thoughts and feelings in a way that I feel attached to. For now I’ll quote a few comments:

So here’s my comment – slightly more serious and also slightly questioning.

Remember my post “I bet you think this song is about you” – how we both realised something at that point. I want to ask if you are doing exactly what I was doing. Trying to find some kind of closure? Sending out a message to someone you don’t want to talk to knowing or hoping that they will read it and that your message – whatever it may be will get across to them. Allowing you to communicate on an artificial level?

I used to worry so much about people judging me, or thinking I thought or would act in a certain way but now I honestly don’t care. I used to believe I didn’t care but there was always someones opinion that mattered to me. Today I can say, I have wiped the slate clean and the only opinions that matter are those I ask for. I take them with a pinch of salt

A Story about A Man, and A Tie

3 Mar

I get the feeling that I have written about this before but here goes again. The strangest moment I think I have ever felt, or at least one of them – Life is mightily strange after all.

Exiting the LLU (London Underground) i.e Tube. Looking up, on the stairs. A man. Wearing a tie.

Nothing odd, fascinating or indeed interesting in that. Men wear ties? Men travel on the Tube. What are the chances of a man, wearing a tie, being on the tube, at the same time as me!!! Shock! Horror!

I look down. Guy, Me, Tie. Again, I look up.

Our eyes meet across the crowded stairwell and suddenly it clicks. We are both wearing the same tie – we exchange hand signals. International sign language to say  “OMG, Snap!” well at least I did, his eyes said something different “OMG, Uno!” but he was on his own, where as I always have a companion in my head to talk to.

I can only imagine the thoughts that went through his head. But at this moment I am reminded of the curiosity of the moment. A once in a life time experience that both excites and confuses you. This is not meant to happen. The only thing that can come close to this moment is for a woman – walking into a party to see her friend wearing the same dress! Its unthinkable. Especially when I don’t normally wear ties. Life really is strange to throw you into these moments.

I really do wonder what he was thinking, its difficult enough to explain my own emotions. If I didn’t have any self control my mouth would be open, tongue swelling out, saliva dripping down my chest like some snail-trail. Ending part way towards my package and looking like a severe case of Premature ejaculation. Luckily this didn’t happen.

I like post’s where I can add “Sex” words as a tag. It’s always a nice chance to get the pervy gits to check out your blog. Boner on the way and then, sudden disappointment as they scroll down looking for naked girls. I don’t have any pictures of naked girls on my blog. But if you want me to get some Ill happily oblige. 😀

One Tie poem (Clearly stolen):

One Tie to rule them all, One Tie to find them,
One Tie to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

Update: @Girlslashwoman

Some people are never happy – everyone wants the full glory, dirty secrets and details. Another sex tag I think “Kinky tie?” – The tie as far as I remember was unfortunately very boring and plain so I’m now going to lie, I mean bend the truth and give you – SUPER TIE.

The tie I was wearing, some of you might of already seen. It’s hard to miss. I never knew the rainbow had more then 7 visible colurs but according to the lable on this tie, it could “bend the rules of physics, light and all that tosh”, honestly. I wouldn’t lie. The tie is actually one of a set – all based in different and colliding dimentions to make you look the sexiest possible where ever you are. Of course ties are clearly sexy! (New Tag) but this one could produce its own pheromones, making women weak at the knees just catching a reflection of it in a puddle. Oddly enough, it was a christmas present….from my mum.

Ode to Britney, Pubity and Porn

15 Feb

I used to LOVE Britney Spears – I was about 12. There was something about her, the faux rock based music. The fact that all her song’s sound the same meant I could listen to the whole album continuously and not even realise. Of course being hot helped – Obviously this was way before she cut all off her hair. I’m sorry Britney – I jest. But really you were my first introduction to pubity and I thank you, soft core porn that you provided. Sat up on my wall looking down – I prayed to you every night, you were my God. Ok it was mainly for things like chocolate dipping sauce, thongs and all sorts of nasty sex toys, but I pray I did. I wanted you, I needed you, I loved you. Knowing you  looked down on me from on high. The power of bluetack kept you above me whilst I slept, the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing at night. So this is too you Britney, with Love x

This is a story about a boy named Alex…

Early morning
He wakes up
With a knock, knock, knock on the door

It’s time wake up to,
Her perfect smile
It’s you he’s waiting for.

Isn’t she lovely
This Hollywood girl

And he says,
she’s so lucky, she’s a star
But why cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there is nothing missing in her life
Then why do these tears come at night.

Lost in her image, crazy dream
But there’s no one there to wake her up!
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
And they go,
“Isn’t she crazy, this Hollywood girl?”

And he say she’s so crazy, but sexy star
But she cut, cuts,  and shave her hair
I think theres someting missing in her life
She’ll sit and cry cry cry at night


“Best actress, and the winner is…Britney!”


“I’m Alex Towler for Crystal News standing outside the arena waiting for Britney”
“Oh my god…here she comes!”

Isn’t she lucky, this Hollywood girl?

She is so lucky
But why does she cry?
If there’s nothing
missing in her life
Why do your tears come at night

A Bombardment of Penis, Sex and Spam

23 Sep

Everyday people across the globe sit down at their computers and start deleting their spam. We know the type of emails to ignore and we know that most of them are aimed at silly insecure people.

This morning I find a full page spread advert asking if I have erectile dysfunction and want sex to last longer.Now besides the fact I felt dirty. Continue reading