Tag Archives: work

So long Motherfuckers!!!!

19 Jun

Today is my last day in my current job before I leave for Australia. I’m fighting this internal instinct to go on a rampage of anger and destruction. Destroying all in my path and leaving in a blaze of fire and intent. Destruction to the limits. Or some such. To be honest it’s only my sense of pride, responsibillity and proffessionalism that is stopping my commiting IT career suicide and bringing down all hell fire.

So long MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! swearing makes me feel better. It’s such a nice release of frustrations and limitations. I don’t even know WHY I feel like this


No – Thank you!

18 Apr

I’m not an idiot – far from it thank you very much. So if I’m standing there behind the till when I have just paid for my Newspapers would you stop looking at me like an idiot and saying “Thank you”, how about you listen the first time when I ask for a receipt – “Waht?!?!” is really not the best or politest answer when you miss what someone says – you brain dead moron! Your working behind a till, I know its early morning and your tired. I work on a reception desk on Saturday’s, I work in IT support the rest of the week, I’m working 6 days a week and then some, so. Basically don’t act like you struggle to get to work in the morning. How difficult is a smile and a little politeness. I don’t want your respect or your undying affection. Just some half decent service. So, No – Thank You! stop repeating the same thing until I get the picture and leave. GAhhhhhh

The weekend

9 Mar

The weekend is over and it has been a long and exciting – interesting time. I had Thursday and Friday off of work so it was very nice to have a break.

I didn’t mention in my previous post but I passed my driving test on Thursday (Finally) a huge relief and a huge pressure from my shoulders. It means I can now legally drive in Aus if I want to 😀 – Yipppeeeeee!!!!

I am slightly saddened by this thought now. I don’t like to say goodbye and I know now that it is likely to be even harder. I have a new friend 😀 and I realise now that all the months of silent brooding and solitude have done me the world of good. I am no longer feeling scared, possessive or paranoid. I know now that it’s easiest to be honest – jealousy can be a good thing and being open and frank if your upset or happy must be the right thing. I have learnt not to try to be someone else and to not lose myself into ideals, fantasies and dreams.

So after Thursdays success I was really looking forward to Friday – I went out for drinks with some old colleagues and had a wicked evening – nice and relaxed and generally good fun, meeting up in the unlikeliest of places with G and walking along the Beach of the Thames drawing more pictures until we reached a pub that seemed a good place to stop. That evening progressed until I ended up back at mine – feeling slightly drunk and crashing out around midnight. Knowing I had work in the morning my body kept shouting at me until finally, 2 am I woke up, stumbled to the kitchen and drained a pint of water before falling back to sleep.

Saturday was another interesting, strange day – It started off with me putting on a tie – An unusual occurrence at the best of times and going off to be an RA at one of our work branches – this is a new job that I’m doing on the odd Saturday. I need the money and the experience of temp-in and so there I was – thrown in at the deep end and panicking because nothing was working and I had had no real training. But no worries because I soon got the hang of everything and after some stressed out freaking phone calls I managed find my feet and the day went swimmingly – I felt in my element and honestly really enjoyed most of the day – except the monotony of sitting still – waiting and watching for patients. Hoping that the gentleman coming up the stairs was not a patient because your doctor already has 3 of them waiting. Fun though.

Saturday evening was nice as well. Pizza, wine and movies. – Met a new friend by the name of Nelson



Who we took for a walk and silly fun on Sunday to see some of his friends in Trafalgar square.

Overall, things are looking up and it was nice to have a break. For once my Blog posts doesn’t seem to have any undertones of thoughtfulness or sadness or anything negative. It’s a post that says I had a nice weekend with a girl and a stuffed pigeon.

Vending machines, train journeys and opinion pages

7 Jan

Today’s blog comes to you live from my bedroom  – that’s a useless point to make as most of my post’s are written in my room but there you go. File that away, if one day you get a pub quiz regarding the infamous Alex Towler you might get lucky 😀

So it’s freezing cold weather here in good old London and I’ve recently returned to work. This means I’m waking up when it’s dark and cold, working until 7pm – when it’s dark and cold and then getting onto a packed train,  in the dark and cold.  Let’s try and stay positive even if I have pulled the short straw working late shift.

The worst thing about the late shift, is surprisingly the eating habit’s it creates. I normally wake early and so my day is extended by several hour’s at the least. I tend to eat 4/5 times in a day, even if some are just a quick snack from a vending machine – or if I’m lucky a fresh apple.
All over the place it’s easy to find something to eat quickly in London but not so much when waiting for a train. Today’s machine is on platform 4 – the first I came – and it only had chocolate and coke, so I decided to head up on to the bridge, hoping to get a coffee and an apple or a hot pie.
Instead, like all good idea’s I wasn’t the first to have it. I found myself running into a huge que of people all waiting to be served – annoying.

It’s back to the original idea of a vending machine, lucky for me I now have 2 on the bridge to choose from, although I’m not crossing my finger’s, lady luck has truly forsaken me today. The content I have come to expect being a lovely mix of junk food – fizzy drinks, chocolate and crisps. The sole concession coming anywhere close to a healthy snack being some kind of honey covered cereal bar, not my cup of tea.

What I want to know is why it’s not possible to get some crackers, maybe BLT sandwich’s, Cornish Pasty’s, salad pots? anything but this tasteless collection of crap. Anything that can truly punch a hole straight to your stomach and begin to fill that gaping emptiness of hunger. Why is everything on offer is over priced and insulting. After I have eaten a bag of crisps I feel crap, these deep fried and salty snacks surely can’t be good for me? – all this chocolate, though sweet and delicious (An obviously healthy combination) is not going to make a dent in my hunger…can I campaign for change? I know it’s possible, I’ve seen machine’s in Paris that are like mini super markets – I remember buying a pack of Ritz Crackers to eat from one of them at the station (I also remember people tutting in French impatiently whilst I sorted my Euro’s).
So please – give me something I want to eat. Is a hot freshly prepared jacket potato too much to ask for from this quick expensive machine….well maybe but a concession to the cause at least.

Let’s leave the vending machine on the Bridge and wait out in the cold for my train, I’ll be home within the hour – I’ll have to wait even if it is dark and cold (I don’t know if I mentioned that).

Anyone that live’s, has lived, travels to, has ever been in or visited London will know that during peak hours our trains are often packed like a tin of sardines, hot, smelly and dirty. It’s all I can do to push to the front of the que.  Squeeze into a seat and stick my head in a newspaper in the hope of removing some of the monotony of the day and effectively forgetting about the journey and awful travelling conditions, only made worse off course by the unfortunately overweight people either side of me, arse cheeks clearly needing a seat of their own and in their effort to fit on the train – bulging at the arms. To be less politically correct – fat gits!

I have found that by not watching TV, or often reading the newspapers – I am spared the constant barrage and pressure to conform, to live up to the constant peer pressure of society and off course my ears and eyes are saved the constant scare mongering that is used to keep so many in control. I know I sound like some crazed paranoid hippie but I’m not honest – I might have long hair, but in honesty it’s only there so that they won’t find me, they won’t recognise me….I know they’re out there. The only sections I ever read are the cartoons for obvious reasons and the opinion pages – the column and the section where people’s text’s and letters are printed. I find it strange that I actually spend so much time agreeing with everyone’s opinion, even the contradicting ones. I find myself wondering if maybe everyone has a point, it’s all valid too you and makes logical sense – but maybe I just don’t give a damn. It’s an interesting stance to have and I’m sure it’s one of the many things keeping me sane and happy, I want to care – I want to believe and off course I want to have a cause. Something to fight for and something to drive towards. But, alas. I do not. I have spent the last few months carefully ridding my mind of all external influences – besides Terry Pratchett – and settling into a lifestyle of utter bliss, arrogance is a wonderful thing and I’d like to finish here by suggesting that you all get some because it’s done me wonders.

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Peer pressure

15 Oct

This, I feel. Is the best definition of “Peer Pressure” – “influence on a person by other people who are about the same age on in the same class.”

Taking this definition, how does peer pressure exist in the workplace. Where often there is a very varied age range. I am the youngest person working in this company and know that most others are in their late 20’s and early 40’s maybe older. These I wouldn’t consider to be of the same age, or class. Or even the same peer, we were born in almost different generations and as a result have grown up in different lifestyles with different goals and agenda’s. Continue reading

Travel Plans

3 Oct

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before but it came up in conversation again recently and I was thinking about it a fair bit today and yesterday. I haven’t written in a couple of days and it feels really weird, like there’s something missing and I’ve lost an anchor in my life.

Over the past 8 months, I’ve moved out of my parents home. Put a deposit on a flat I’m renting, furnished and decorated the whole flat. I’ve got myself a good job that I enjoy and I’m happy with life. I have somewhere that is truly mine and I can call home. I have anchor’s, I have somewhere to come back to.

My birthday is coming up next Saturday and I plan to have all my friends around me. It’s another anchor in my life. Friends and Family. Familiarity. It’s one thing I strive for in my life. I live on patterns, procedures, numbers….anything really that can be logically broken into smaller chunks and made easier to digest, I’m told this is one of the traits of my Asperger/Autism.

Another trait that I am told I have is that I find change difficult. That’s a fair assessment but as an individual I do things that scare me and challenge me as much as I can.

I have been planning for the last few months to do a bit more travelling. Last year I travelled round some of the capital’s of European cities and immensely enjoyed the experience, its addictive and it helped me learn more about myself more than anything. There really is nothing that can describe the feeling, the exhilaration of just doing it. I know I planned much of it ahead of time and it restricted me in many ways. I decided to do things differently next time….so here I am, 6 months down the line – with no real plan I’m flapping in the wind like a loose flag. No anchor, no direction, just floating around in the ether with a general idea of what I want. I have decided that once the lease comes back up for renewal on my flat – I’m not going to take it, instead I am going to get the deposit back and leave – I’m going to Australia. That’s it, the whole plan. Leave everything I have worked for, everything I have built up, everything I own. Take the bare minimal that will fit in a backpack and go. I have to finish the Visa process and then I’m leaving for at least a year. Maybe when I’m over their I will visit Asia and New-Zealand but that’s all in the wind.

This idea scares me to a point that it’s unbelievable, I imagine the adventure of a lifetime, yet every time I think about it I am reminded of everything I have and everything I will leave behind. All the things I have worked so hard for over the last 6 months/ Year, I will leave. I’ll have no anchors and no direction. I keep talking myself in and out of it.

I guess the main thing keeping me going is that at time’s, I have known that the only reason I have put up with some of the crap and hard times is the plan to travel, to see the world, to learn about it and myself in the process. Adventure…..